Death, an Angel, & the Devil walk into a Bar
Scorpio // Sagittarius // Capricorn
I’m sitting at my kitchen table, surrounded by piles of laundry. Even though things feel decidedly NOT normal in the wider world, I’m trying to practice being present to what is ordinary in my own life. The hot cup of coffee in my hand. The cat batting a lego around under the table. The smell of clean laundry. The snow shimmering in the morning sun.
In case you don’t have time to read this whole post - here’s some important bits I want to share: a LIST of simple things you can do to feel less alone right now from , one of my favorite hope-peddlers. A BOOK1 that inspires you to hit them where it hurts (hint: it’s not their hearts). And this VIDEO of Patti Smith reminding us the people have the power. Day by day, y’all.
When you don’t write for a while lots of ideas pile up in your mind like snow in a parking lot. Have you ever seen those massive piles near the edge of a mall or grocery store, blocking the accessible parking and tempting children to pull out their sleds? That’s what the ideas have been like in my brain these past few months.
Massage school is going great (thanks for asking) and I am really enjoying my anatomy classes and finally getting to practice my skills on real humans! Yay! But it also takes up so much brain space and energy that most nights when my kids FINALLY go to sleep2, I only have the capacity to wash my face, brush my teeth, and collapse into bed.
I have been sitting with three cards the past several months. All of them represent the dark half of the year - Scorpio (Death), Sagittarius (Temperance), and Capricorn (Devil). When the tilt of the earth turns us away from the Sun and forces us to slow down and gather in. It means a time for walks in the dark, hand warmers, and bowls of soup. And also the dark hearts of billionaires, apparently.
I don’t know how to sort through all the feelings of the last several months except to say that Death has been my companion, I’ve felt hounded by the Devil, and I’m being called to open my heart by the Angel of Temperance. So I wrote a few little stories for each card. Thanks for being here.
DEATH
Around Thanksgiving my grandma died peacefully in her sleep while in hospice care. I had been visiting her for several weeks but didn’t realize that the end was coming so quickly. I had just been to visit her a few days before and we spoke and held hands, and watched birds perching in a flaming red maple out her window. I told her what a great job she did in her life - of loving us, of holding onto her family with both hands, of grandmothering me and my children.
I haven’t been on social media or the internet much these past few months. The onslaught of death-stories is just too much for me. We are not meant to hold this much. Our systems, our bodies are not equipped to digest this much suffering. Our hearts can’t metabolize wildfires and homelessness and bombed neighborhoods all at once. If you dump piles and piles of compost onto a garden, you will smother the plants.
And with the circus of the last few weeks, the disruption of democratic governance, I can’t abide giving my attention to an app developed by and making profit for a death-dealing billionaire. I just can’t do it.
The Death card is a reminder that things end. The best of times and the worst of times all having endings. None of us are getting out of here alive. I wish that a few specific badly dressed billionaires would let that sink in. You can’t take ANY of it with you! Remember?? In the tarot card, Death sits on a white horse looking down with indifference on a king, a child, a woman, and a beseeching bishop.
His black banner with a five-pointed flower reminds us that the only sure thing is change. The ever-evolving nature of things is our birthright. No matter how much money you throw at it, no matter what science fiction you think you live in - Death will have the last word. The world is always ending and always being reborn.
Holding my grandmother’s hand felt like holding my hand over the wound of the world. There is so much suffering and I am only one person, but I could hold this hand right here. I could help this leg to be less swollen, I could speak words of comfort to this beautiful heart. I could pray for this transition. Where in your sweet life needs some care right now? What change is needed or inevitable? What hand can you reach out to and hold?
THE DEVIL
As a kid growing up in fundamentalist evangelicalism I knew a lot about the Devil. My mom did her best to protect me from the scariest depictions3 but deep down I knew his minions were still lurking around every corner.
I was taught that he was a Deceiver, and that he could hide himself in charming guises: good looks, wealth, even popularity! He was cunning and malleable, I always had to be on guard. And I especially had to take care to protect my heart. If I opened it to the wrong influences, if I took a yoga class, if I tried pot, if I listened to the wrong music…these were all ways the Devil could get a foothold and wrap me in his chains. (I’m fine.)
For people new to the tarot, the Devil can be an unsettling card. We have many cultural narratives about this devious character, and none of them are good. The card itself depicts two characters, naked, vulnerable, and chained before a creepy “devil” creature4. But, do you see how the people are loosely bound? They can lift those chains right off their necks! Let this card remind you that devils are just smooth talking, money hoarding, insecure little boys…and we can just walk away from their chains. Maybe this archetype can, instead of scaring us, point us to freedom.
One of the few stories of the Devil actually in the Bible (not just popular fiction5) tells the story of Jesus going out into the wilderness. While there, after fasting for 40 days, the Devil appears to him and tries to sabotage him. The Devil uses the words of scripture to try to convince Jesus to end his suffering - God will protect you. You’re special. He is comforting, he is reassuring. When I think of the amount of Christians being coaxed into complicity by the words and power of one arrogant man, this is the story that comes to mind. When selfish men take the words of Jesus and twist them to their own agendas (Vance), and get offended by mercy (Musk), or try to convince you they can love God and money (Trump), you can be sure that the Devil has a foothold.
TEMPERANCE
The Temperance card is one of those cards with lots of symbols and it can be hard to pin down an easy interpretation. There are so many interesting images, but the main figure is an Angel standing tall with one foot on a rock and one foot in water. The earth represents grounded presence and the water is emotions - and in order to feel the Angel’s power we must have a balance of both. When we set our phone down and ground ourselves in the ritual of making dinner or a walk in our own beautiful place, and when we take a minute to acknowledge our feelings and let them move through our body with gentleness - we have one foot on the ground and one in the water. We empower ourselves to show up with balance and wisdom.
I love that this card follows Death in the major arcana. The world is always ending and always being remade.
Temperance means moderation6, and in this case I think it can also mean calm. When the Devil and his minions are stirring up chaos, the Angel offers you their tranquil hand. Are you resourcing yourself so you can hold onto your center when things get off kilter? Before Jesus met the devil in the wilderness, we are told the Angels came and ministered7 to him! Are you meditating? Journaling? Walking? Praying? Napping? Are you practicing moderation in your substance use (caffeine counts) and news consumption?
In the Thoth deck8 this card is called ART! This is the card of creative rebirth! It encourages us to let our inner healing manifest as outer healing in the world. The Angel is holding two golden cups and pouring water back and forth between them. This cosmic mixing allows us to make something new when we flow with what Life hands us.
After the 2016 election I sat with the Death card for quite a while - the death of my expectations, the death of false hope, the death of faith in the church of my childhood. But this time around I want to sit with the Angel of Temperance. They are handing me their golden cups and asking - What will you make? How will you take the tattered pieces and craft them into something new?
I want to gather my people close, support my local economy, find the moon, breathe deeply and live from my values, stop terrorizing myself9 but make art and sing songs instead! I will not buy into the doomsday story, and I will not give my attention to an emperor with no clothes - I spent half of my life being afraid of the devil. I’m over it.
Another great read is: How I broke up with Amazon // I haven’t bought a book on amazon in probably 5 years, but this gave me the boost I needed to divest even more. This probably won’t make an impact right away, and the one-day boycotts may not either, but in the long run we need to shift our attention and our money back to our local economies. Neighbors before corporations.
My tween & teen have officially become our roommates and now go to bed by 10 at the earliest. Send help.
I was never allowed to go to our church’s event Heaven’s Gates and Hell’s Flames (I’ll let you google it) which was a play, usually staged around halloween, that terrorized people into loving God. lol.
In fact he was traditionally viewed as Baphomet, an amoral character of complicated origin, who is not Lucifer/Satan/Devil of the Bible - fwiw.
If you tell me your favorite Frank Peretti book in the comments, you’ll have good luck for a year and a get-out-of-hell-free card! Mine was The Oath.
My teenager introduced me this year to Hatchet Granny - a prohibition era woman who was known for advocating for victims of domestic violence and terrorizing local bars with her hatchet!
Mark 1:12-15
Thoth Deck via tarot.com and an incredibly deep dive into the symbolism of the Art card can be found HERE - it is so interesting and too much to go into here!
My grandma gave me her old Frank Perreti books but they were too scary for me 😁
What a gorgeous post! Definitely worth the wait. I love how you dive into the tarot symbolism and tie it on thematically to what's going on right now.
"I spent half my life scared of the devil, I'm over it." AMEN AMEN. Love you.