Look How Far We've Come
Taurus 3 // combatting negativity bias with the 7 of pentacles
As I was getting ready for my oldest child’s birthday this weekend (we are going to have a teenager!!), I took a moment to marvel at how far we have come. We have travelled so many roads with this kid, all the firsts - baby years, learning to walk, ride a bike, homeschool, covid school, middle school! I just sat this morning with the feeling of awe and gratitude. What a gift to walk alongside this kid and watch who they are becoming.
I’m sure you’ve heard that our brains have a negativity bias, a tendency to dwell on the negative while ignoring the more positive experiences in our day. This bias goes much deeper than pessimism or optimism, it’s about our brain's evolution. An image I’ve heard and appreciate is that our negative experiences stick to our brain like velcro and the positive slide off like teflon. A great survival strategy maybe, but a pain to actually exist with. We have to make a conscious effort to notice, really feel, and remember the beautiful moments before they get lost in the onslaught of cable news, that cranky coworker, the kid who never sleeps in their own bed, or the cat pooping on the rug.
As the school year winds down I tend to just feel exhausted by all the projects due, events to attend, and tasks to complete before my kids are home ALL DAY. But I want to override that impulse to just “get through” and really honor the ways we have grown this school year. It has been a rough road with lots of anxiety, growing pains, and therapy bills. But we have learned so much! Even in just one year, the way I parent is so different, my values have shifted, the way I care for myself has changed (for the better), and even my communication with my spouse has improved. Things came up and we adapted, things got hard and we supported each other - these are experiences that I need to stick like velcro.
The 7 of pentacles is our last card for this astrological season and I’m taking it as a reminder to slow down and really appreciate how far I’ve come. In the traditional card a man leans on his rake as he surveys his work. His face is a little hard to read - is he tired? Frustrated? Bored? I think there’s room for all of it in the middle of things. His work is not complete yet, there is still one coin at his feet, but he’s done a lot already1. On a long day of work in my garden, this is exactly the posture I take! Leaving heavily on a shovel, I’ll periodically take a break from weeding or watering and just stop and take it all in. I know there is more to do, but I can relish in the bed I’ve already cleared, or the seedlings I’ve already transplanted. There are so many things only beginning to poke above the surface, but then look at what’s already in bloom! The lupines and peonies are still buds, but the azaleas are a hot pink explosion and the allium are purple puffballs straight out of a Dr. Seuss story!
You’re still in the middle of things, but give your brain a helping hand and take a second to celebrate your growth. What have you accomplished this year so far? What are you proud of? What moments (no matter how small) have brought you joy or filled your heart to bursting? Savor them! This song came to mind as I was writing this post, so I commend it to you. Thanks, as always, for reading.
I love a good garden metaphor. Here are a few garden-adjacent books I’m about to/currently reading:
We Are Each Others Harvest: Celebrating African American farmers, land, and legacy
The One-Straw Revolution (could be called “Zen and the Art of Farming”)
Soil: the story of a Black Mother’s Garden
I think it’s so beautiful how much you use “we” in this post. I know a lot of people with children who are also doing the running around and things you described, but they’ve completely lost their sense of self. They’re walking above or behind or in front of their children. You’re walking alongside and taking in all of the angles. Gorgeous.
I was recently chatting with someone about how the 7s all show different choices. I like to think of the 7 of Pentacles as choosing to rest when your body tells you to, even though you haven't reached some ideal form of "completion." that we get to determine our perspective on a situation and we can choose to savor reflection and pride. this card always seems so intentional. I really like your thoughts on honoring what's transpired and transformed!