There’s so much beauty in this piece! Your celebration of the world’s enchanting power! And these lines: “The things I was told to want as a parent (obedience, conformity) have evolved to a wish for a world where they are free in their bodies, able to express themselves with joy”—they perfectly sum up my parenting journey.
I’ve been trying to crack open the door a little more widely to gifts and surprises this week. As someone who struggles socially and feels loneliness really intensely, I’ve always felt the friendship I need in each season arrives as a gift. It was a comfort when I left the church, finally fully knowing my wishes would never be granted in that space—that friendship by friendship the universe has always knit me to herself. But lately, nearly 3 years unchurched, my heart has hummed for something more. I need more than one friend. My daughter needs more than one friend. We need a community, a village that weekly receives our bodies. At first I didn’t know what to do with this dissatisfaction—it’s something I’ve never dared to wish for. But I’m learning to crack the door open a little wider, so the universe can send more than one friendship through.
Love this! I am SO excited for the eclipse (we road tripped for the 2017 one and it was 100% worth it!). I cannot fathom a hundred people at a birthday party 😳
I loved your lines about "what is a wish but a secret longing" and "prayers are really just wishes wrapped in holy language."
And I echo Shaina's sentiment about longing for more friendship and trying to crack the door - the wishing door? the hoping door? - open a little further, inviting in what the universe / Spirit / our own deepest selves want to send us.
After a long bout of post-Evangelical skepticism, I am ready for the magic. Thanks for showing the way with your vulnerability and openness. PS that thing about the sizes of the moon and sun blew my mind!
Lindsey - just like your delight at stumbling across my Substack - I'd like to express mine at stumbling across yours! I see magic everywhere too. And birds. I live under big skies in the Somerset Levels, England. Great honking formations of Cranes fly overhead and the Curlews are calling. If you love birds and words you NEED to follow Death & Birds here on Substack (https://www.deathandbirds.com/) 🐦
So much beauty and heartfelt sharing in this post. “Sometimes wishes come true that we didn’t even know we had - like little moments of beauty, hidden in an ordinary life.” That John O’Donoghue quote, yes! I am always banging on about this - nature is the cardinal in the backyard, not Yosemite grand rocks to scale. Also: the tenderness of longing and wishing. You explored this so well. And speak so lovingly of your big hearted spouse. The part about turning over your belly to the world by wishing IS a real thing! I have deep trouble naming my wishes aloud with others, though I can sometimes muster the courage privately ☺️ I’m trying to take a look at this now, peel back the layers around longing. I wonder if you are right about women raised with religion.... Trees are my constant companions, too. 🌳 🩷 🌳 Thank you for this beautiful post
Thank you for these words, Kara. I appreciate the resonance. You’re right, naming a wish privately can be a first step. Being braver in our private moments - deep in our hearts. That’s where religion hurt me most, in my own thought policing. Creating neural pathways that are soooo well worn.
Cheers to cardinals and trees and spring sun! If you need a spot to watch the eclipse you know where to find me 😉
There’s so much beauty in this piece! Your celebration of the world’s enchanting power! And these lines: “The things I was told to want as a parent (obedience, conformity) have evolved to a wish for a world where they are free in their bodies, able to express themselves with joy”—they perfectly sum up my parenting journey.
I’ve been trying to crack open the door a little more widely to gifts and surprises this week. As someone who struggles socially and feels loneliness really intensely, I’ve always felt the friendship I need in each season arrives as a gift. It was a comfort when I left the church, finally fully knowing my wishes would never be granted in that space—that friendship by friendship the universe has always knit me to herself. But lately, nearly 3 years unchurched, my heart has hummed for something more. I need more than one friend. My daughter needs more than one friend. We need a community, a village that weekly receives our bodies. At first I didn’t know what to do with this dissatisfaction—it’s something I’ve never dared to wish for. But I’m learning to crack the door open a little wider, so the universe can send more than one friendship through.
That’s beautiful, Shaina. I’m joining you in cracking that door for possibility. May you find more kindred hearts for you and your daughter. 🙏🏽
Love this! I am SO excited for the eclipse (we road tripped for the 2017 one and it was 100% worth it!). I cannot fathom a hundred people at a birthday party 😳
I loved your lines about "what is a wish but a secret longing" and "prayers are really just wishes wrapped in holy language."
And I echo Shaina's sentiment about longing for more friendship and trying to crack the door - the wishing door? the hoping door? - open a little further, inviting in what the universe / Spirit / our own deepest selves want to send us.
Beautifully said 💗 yes, keep that door cracked! Be brave enough to sit with the longing - sometimes that’s the first step for me.
After a long bout of post-Evangelical skepticism, I am ready for the magic. Thanks for showing the way with your vulnerability and openness. PS that thing about the sizes of the moon and sun blew my mind!
I pendulum into that post-evangelical skepticism very often. Good thing we can help hold the door open for each other sometimes.
And, gah! I know! It’s just the coolest!! 🌖
Lindsey - just like your delight at stumbling across my Substack - I'd like to express mine at stumbling across yours! I see magic everywhere too. And birds. I live under big skies in the Somerset Levels, England. Great honking formations of Cranes fly overhead and the Curlews are calling. If you love birds and words you NEED to follow Death & Birds here on Substack (https://www.deathandbirds.com/) 🐦
Thanks for reading, Ali. We don’t have curlews💔, but the starling & red wing black birds are in full effect here 🩷🩷 And thanks for the recommendation!
So much beauty and heartfelt sharing in this post. “Sometimes wishes come true that we didn’t even know we had - like little moments of beauty, hidden in an ordinary life.” That John O’Donoghue quote, yes! I am always banging on about this - nature is the cardinal in the backyard, not Yosemite grand rocks to scale. Also: the tenderness of longing and wishing. You explored this so well. And speak so lovingly of your big hearted spouse. The part about turning over your belly to the world by wishing IS a real thing! I have deep trouble naming my wishes aloud with others, though I can sometimes muster the courage privately ☺️ I’m trying to take a look at this now, peel back the layers around longing. I wonder if you are right about women raised with religion.... Trees are my constant companions, too. 🌳 🩷 🌳 Thank you for this beautiful post
Thank you for these words, Kara. I appreciate the resonance. You’re right, naming a wish privately can be a first step. Being braver in our private moments - deep in our hearts. That’s where religion hurt me most, in my own thought policing. Creating neural pathways that are soooo well worn.
Cheers to cardinals and trees and spring sun! If you need a spot to watch the eclipse you know where to find me 😉
Beautiful ❤️
Thank you 💗
That moon/sun trivia is mind blowing! I love space!
Isn’t it?? 🤯
We watched one of the Brian cox “wonders of the universe” documentaries last weekend if you’re looking for more!
I’ll have to check it out!