When No is Yes
Cancer 3 // on choosing peace and many pink things!
Hello! I hope you’re having a lovely mid-summer. I have once again found myself fighting for time to collect my thoughts for this post. (Mommy needs 5 more minutes!!) Ah, summer. So even though it is officially Leo season I am giving myself a pass since I’m posting this before we turn the page to August. Huzzah!
The card for the 3rd decan in the sign of Cancer is 4 of Cups. In it we see a figure surrounded by 3 overflowing cups, and a hand reaching out to offer them a 4th. The figure’s face is difficult to read: in some decks they look bored, in others they look pensive. Either way, you can tell they are not sure about this bonus cup. Is it more abundance after last week’s cards, or is it becoming too much?
This card finds us in a month overflowing with summer activities and fun. There is so much to do and see in our city that it’s nearly impossible to not experience some FOMO. It is a reminder to me that when I choose to say no with intention, I am ultimately saying yes to something too. When my kids want to run run run and I give them a gentle no, they may be surprised to find a day stretching out in front of them with ample time for reading, drawing, and sibling adventure1.
Sometimes the call is easy, and sometimes the choice is tricky. This card also represents contemplation and stillness, searching deep within to find whether this cup is too much or the holy grail. Is this a cup to drink or to pass by for now? I made a choice this week about a potential opportunity for the fall and there was a lot of pressure to say yes - the stakes felt high, my qualifications were good - but ultimately I’m passing this cup for now. As soon as I said no, my body knew it was the right call. Sometimes no means more peace.
My spouse is also in a busy season at work and has less free time for family time, but with a few intentional no’s we were able to swing a family movie outing this weekend to see Barbie…and well, it was just magical.
I have been a fan of Greta Gerwig since she released her version of Little Women a few years ago. Little Women (with Winona Ryder) was one of my favorite movies as a kid and I never thought it could be replaced - but Gerwig did it2. The music, the cast, the story telling is all pure gold and now it has become a tradition to watch with my kids in the week between Christmas and New Year. My kids love it and I cry through the whole thing.
I didn’t really have a Barbie phase growing up. I certainly played with them, and I loved dolls in general, but they weren’t as coveted as Polly Pocket and Littlest Pet Shop3. When my kids were small I intentionally avoided Barbie! I am passionately body positive and didn’t want any unrealistic body image being imprinted on their spongy little minds. I was a child of the 90s and Barbies came alongside incessant diet culture, pop stars with low rise jeans (and even lower self-esteem), and purity culture4! And so I bought dolls with realistic proportions and baby dolls that were soft and snuggly and little animal families so their imaginations could grow like in one of our favorite pictures books: This is My Doll House.
When COVID locked the world down, and all my kids were home together (ages 10, 8, and 5) I did not expect for my youngest to become obsessed with a YouTube channel5 where two kids make up imaginative stories while playing dolls. At first, I felt really weird about letting my kid WATCH other kids playing but I quickly realized it was actually giving her fodder for her own imaginative doll games. We started with a few Barbies (one with wider hips LOL and one that used a wheelchair), and it quickly snowballed into our entire play room transforming into THE DOLL ROOM. We couldn’t leave the house, but grandparents were dropping off care packages on the doorstep with outfits and accessories and new dolls every few weeks. Even the older kids joined in and found DIY channels to help them create their own cardboard houses and accessories. It was an era.
So when I saw the trailer for Barbie a few months ago I knew we had to make a family experience of it. Never mind it was PG-13, it was BARBIE!
We thrifted some bright pink outfits, painted our nails bubblegum pink and packed some secret snacks. The movie was the perfect combination of camp and cultural critique. I’ve heard many conservative voices criticizing how the movie disparaged motherhood and other anti-feminist tropes, but the whole movie was about a mom and her child! It was about the heartbreaking journey of watching your child grow up, to long for a better world for them, and to ultimately be so proud of the person they’ve become! *SOB*
We sat in a row, together, giggling at Ken’s silliness and patriarchy’s absurdities. I laughed at all the quirky references (*weird* Barbie - everyone has one!) and Will Ferrell’s predictable lines (tickle fight!), and generally just feeling amazed that my kids get to grow up in a world with such powerful, beautiful women! My kids ate peach rings, saw a black woman be president, and saw a woman in a wheelchair dance center-stage to Dua Lipa. I cried into my cherry coke.
I’ll wrap up today with some articles that extended my rose-colored glow after watching Barbie this week:
wrote a heart wrenching piece this week about the mother/daughter theme in Barbie and I cried real tears. Read it! wrote an amazing piece examining both Barbie and Oppenheimer and I felt every word. interviewed this week and it reminded me of how the Kens in Barbieland couldn’t find their own meaning and autonomy separate from the Barbies (like some women in the real world), but there wasn’t the same pressure on the Ken’s to care for the Barbies. I can’t wait to read her book!
Twerking to BTS and making absurd commercials on iMovie, anyone? Send help.
Christian Bale will always be my Laurie, though. Sorry, not sorry.
If you’re unfamiliar with purity culture - the basic gist is that women’s bodies are the problem. Always.
Annia & Elsia, iykyk.
I’m officially intrigued enough to want to see Barbie... even if I skip the pink outfit. Did you read Anne Helen Petersen’s piece on Barbenheimer, and “boy movies” vs “girl movies”? Trying to get my husband to come see Barbie with me to fight the #patriarchy, if we can find time with this very full cup of summer... 😅
"she is side-eyeing that magical cup" - she sure is, lol. Loving your nails and the silence that "no" can gift you!