The Weight of the World
Sagittarius 3 // and a small pile of joys
It is hard to believe that it is the week of Christmas already! My big kids have exams, my littlest has a class party, and we have lots of gifts to still make and wrap. I feel like the chipmunk frantically collecting seeds to store away in preparation for hibernation - I want to toil this week so I can rest rest rest next week!
We are coming to the end of Sagittarius season as we arrive at Solstice this Friday. Our final decan corresponds to the 10 of Wands - a heavy card, weighted down by a formidable pile of wands. Amidst the lights and bustle and cheer most people also feel an overwhelming sense of not-quite-right-ness. What are you carrying? Does it feel like the weight of the world?
In the esoteric Thoth deck this card is called the Lord of Oppression. If the burden of oppression is a pile of sticks on our back, it seems our pile gets larger every day. Our government continues to support a genocidal military offensive, religious fanatics continue to gain positions of power in our country, and authoritarianism is on the rise globally. Interestingly, did you know the word fascism comes from the word fascio (Italian, I think) for bundle of sticks?
My kids love listening to the Christmas radio station, but when I hear pop songs about the birth of the Prince of Peace it makes me want to scream. How dare we sing songs about Jesus’ birth when this country is funding bombs being dropped on children?? How dare we celebrate God coming to earth as a vulnerable baby, a refugee, while we make this world completely inhospitable to so many!
This time of year brings up my religious trauma in the most insidious ways.
And of course we have the weight of Capitalist Christmas and its endless lists, gift guides, and expectations. The 10 of Wands can represent an oppressive taskmaster…or maybe, that pernicious Elf?
Week 3 of Advent reminds us to stay vigilant for Joy. So I’m working on keeping my eyes peeled for small joys. These are not activities that add more chaos to the calendar, or capitalist “wellness” items that just cost us in a different way. These are the counterweights on the scales of Temperance - which also happens to be the card of Sagittarius season.
The joy may not perfectly outweigh one-to-one the grief. And some grief right now is so large that all we can do is lament. Life is not a math problem to be solved. But we can slowly remove sticks from the Pile of Grief and replace them with our noticing, our own small joys. Each glimmer accumulates and grows. Each small joy is a defiant middle finger to the powers and principalities1 that want to steal my peace. Joy doesn’t fill my tank so I can continue grinding. Joy makes it more possible for me to be more human, day by day in this inhumane world.
Here are a few of my small joys…tell me, where are you finding joy glimmers?
// Christmas break from all the running around/carpool shenanigans!
// Bundling up for night time walks to look for twinkle lights - fresh air & magic!
// Dancing with my kids pretty much whenever I can (My joy, their embarrassment! Win-win!) I can only take Pentatonix in small doses, but this is one of my faves…
// Luxurious mid-day naps with my coziest blanket and hot water bottle
// Drinking peppermint matcha lattes with a friend (they’re called Grinch Lattes at our local coffee shop and it makes me smile every time)
// Sneaking away to the bathroom to tap2
// Bringing games3 to uncomfortable family gatherings (keeps everyone happy and too busy to talk about the news, estranged family, etc etc…)
// Lighting candles (even better if you make a list of things you want to release on a small piece of paper and burn it up!)
// Making small felt ornaments just for the fun of it! No expectation to gift them, or even keep them for next year! And BONUS I learned a new skill - the blanket stitch. If you need something haphazardly stitched in the post-apocalyptic hellscape, I’ll be your girl!
// Planning/prepping our family Solstice night. Nothing makes my inner child happier than planning a seasonal ritual for my kids. This year we are making chili and glogg4 to hopefully enjoy fireside. We’ll also make mini “Yule logs” out of toilet paper rolls and fill them with wishes before wrapping them in festive tissue paper and throwing them in the fire! And lots of trolling5 obviously.
// Foggy walks by the Lake
May Hope sustain us. May Peace prevail. May JOY be our strength.
An Advent reading: Ephesians 6:10 “Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of God’s power; … for our struggle is not against blood and flesh but against the rulers, against the principalities, against the cosmic powers of this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places.” Sacred texts remind me that present darkness has been with us all along.
I have found EFT (tapping) to be very grounding in moments (seasons!) of stress. This is a pretty dated video, but it’s been the most helpful to my particular symptoms: shallow breathing & tight chest. It only takes 5 minutes or less! I also love THIS VIDEO if you want to learn the basic tapping points, or if you want to try it with your kids.
This is the only link I’ll share (obviously not an ad) because my kids love Santa Cookie Elf Candy Snowman SO MUCH and anyone can play.
Make it kid-friendly with cherry and orange juice https://www.bonappetit.com/recipe/swedish-glogg
“Every year at this time, as the last note of Deck the Halls fades into the general hubub of Christmas party conversation, the question hangs in the air, unasked: What exactly does the phrase “troll the ancient Yuletide carol” mean? Wonder no more. This troll is not a monster found beneath bridges or a method of fishing, but a vocal technique. To troll a song is simply to sing it in a full, rolling voice. This, of course, is how people do sing at Christmas parties, especially those who have indulged in three or four cups of eggnog.” Excerpt from “’The New England Sampler,” Yankee Magazine, December 1995.
Oh you’ve just given me the next piece of my nightly candle ritual, and another access point to prayer.
When I left Christianity (sort of? Mostly?) it felt as though the social fabric of the church had been torn open to reveal the flapping noise of demon-wings. And it’s a feeling that returns, that I associate with the unrepaired harms of the world. It’s such a visceral experience, I’ve come to fully associate the demonic with unrepaired, unmentionable harms—whose very visibility violates our sacred narratives. (This also frees me up to explore things like tarot, even though on bad mental health days I can *still* wonder if I’ve caught demons from the novel I’m reading or whatever. The world is indeed full of demons, and Christians are looking for them in all the wrong places). A meditation I sometimes practice, borne out of a journaling exercise, is to wrap myself in a woven blanket with a mug of tea. I imagine myself in a dessert, under a dead but still beautiful tree. And the night sky is so expansive, there is room for all my demons. They soar upward, and the universe is expansive enough to receive them all. While I sip tea under the warmth of a blanket. Anyway, the bundle of sticks, the weird weight of fascism, the Lord of Oppression, made me think of this.
Also, I think you’ve inspired me to clean out the fireplace this winter and give it a go. We’ve avoided it for the same reasons you mention, but we’ve been talking about it and now feels like the right time.
“did you know the word fascism comes from the word fascio (Italian, I think) for bundle of sticks?“ that’s a wild pairing with this post! Brava. So many good ones in here. Trolling. Ma Ingalls without the racism. That embroidered heart! My daughter wants to make a craft for Xmas, I’m stealing that ❤️ 💚 I also highly approve of all the pro-pyro elements in this post. Our last house had a fireplace we never used. Not once! I’m not regretful but is *is* sad. Fireplaces should be used for haphazard family traditions. Happy you are embracing this. Thank you for these joys! ❤️🔥